“Amber … please step away from the window. There’s nothing interesting to see.”
“Huh, nothing to see?”
Amber gave a rueful smile and tore her eyes away from the grassy fields and towards her cross aunt. She replayed the beautiful trees swaying in the wind and the sunlight that danced off the clear blue water, which in her mind were bordering long weedy reeds. All this beauty was ruined by the white border of the window, and now her aunt. Constricting and trapping the freedom and splendour.
“Can I please just go outside, just once? It won’t hurt or anything. Please Auntie May?” pleaded Amber, hands clasped in front.
May shook her head and pressed her thin red lips in annoyance. She gestured for her niece into the kitchen for the umpteenth time this day. May marched off, flowery skirt flowing behind her, muttering about children and their lack of discipline … especially in the 21st century. Amber followed and took one last longing look at the window. She gave a mournful sigh and felt sharp pain in her chest.
“Mum would have let me out,” she quietly murmured. Her eyes immediately filled with tears. Amber suddenly found herself swallowing back a sob, and she blinked rapidly to force back the onslaught of memories.
~
May grimaced and put down her mug. She looked around at the familiar cream-coloured walls and sunk deeper into the familiar velvet couch. May took a deep breath and finally met the psychiatrist’s soft face, just below the immaculately straight hair. It was still too difficult to look into her eyes. They were too cold for her kind features, too dark for the sunlit streamed room. May could only think of it as odd and eerie. Or was it herself who couldn’t see the good in people anymore?
“I feel so guilty, as if I don’t know her at all. I just wish she would understand how I feel. I would happily let her run around, and for her to go anywhere normally … but this is different.”
May took a deep breathe, unable to continue.
Click click.
The rest of her words tumbled out unwillingly, “I’m just so scared to lose her. She’s too strong, and she’s always hiding her pain. Always hiding. I don’t understand why she won’t tell me ... why she won’t tell me anything! If this carries on, I’m going to lose her. I just know it, just like how I lost Kelly, and … I don’t know where the hell John is. Damn him, I just don’t know what to do!”
Click click.
May gritted her teeth at the continuous clicking. The psychiatrist gave a satisfied smile at her client’s obvious restlessness.
“Why are you scared to lose her?” she asked, her eyes sweeping back to the clipboard.
Click click.
No hesitation now. “She reminds me so much of Kelly. She’s a splitting image of her mum. They even sound the same, and … well, it’s just odd. Almost uncanny,”
May bit her tongue as she nearly added, “Just like you”.
“Scary?” probed the psychiatrist, still boring into her clipboard.
May shifted uncomfortably, eyes focused on the carpeted floor, “Well.”
She paused.
Click click.
“I … blame myself for Kelly’s death. She was meant to be with John.” May covered her face with her hands.
“I told John. I told him that Kelly was pregnant. I’m the reason why he left. I’m the reason why Amber doesn’t have a mum or a dad. I-I ruined my own sister.”
Click click.
“Does Amber know?” The gentle tone was incongruent with harsh eyes that pierced the door.
“No,” replied May softly, reluctantly.
“Well, I’m afraid that’s about to change.” Kindly, almost soothingly, the psychiatrist gestured to the door.
May turned and to her horror, saw Amber standing there. Her eyes were wide, mouth hanging open, her hands dangled limply by her side.
May paled, and rose slowly. An eternity seemed to pass before … “Amber,” she whispered, almost pleading.
At the sound, Amber suddenly blinked. Her mouth snapped closed, and she turned and ran.
“Amber!” yelled May, her voice echoing down the corridor.
~
She ran, her chocolate hair flying behind her, the scene constantly replaying in her head … her aunt’s confession. The words that bought her whole world crashing down echoed in her mind.
“I told John.”
Tears pricked her eyes, but she kept running.
“I told him that Kelly was pregnant.”
Her hands clenched into fists, but she kept running.
“I’m the reason why he left.”
The tears were now running freely down her rosy cheeks, but she didn’t stop running.
“I’m the reason why Amber doesn’t have a mum or dad.”
She ran faster and faster, her feet pounding hard against the concrete.
“I ruined my own sister.”
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and didn’t stop.
“I told John.”
“I told John.”
“I told John.”
After what seemed like an eternity, her feet stopped and she broke down completely. Amber crawled to the side and cried. She cried out all the emotions that she kept in. Choking on her sobs, she looked around and saw that it was dark and deserted. She laughed at the irony.
“Once alone, always alone,” she said harshly.
She breathed and stood up. She doesn’t know where she was, but she never did know. Amber shrugged and turned left, turning her back away from the world. Walking away. No responsibility or pain. No love…nothing. An empty shell. As she walked, the starless night swallowed her. Soon, there was no tapping noise of a waking person. There was nothing there. No sound…no life. Just like Amber.
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